Saturday, July 16, 2011
Thank You God For This Journey
The last few days I have been kid-less. While I miss those little faces, it has been awesome! I have gotten so much done! I have spent from sun up to sun down in my workshop or on the road looking for treasures. I have done almost nothing but work on new pieces to put in the shop and for an upcoming festival. I am so excited about this opportunity. It could turn out to be nothing, but it could also turn out to be big for me. I have two very big fears of making this passion I have, a career. The first, is that perhaps, this is something I love to do, and for my home and maybe my friends, it's good enough. But to make a living at it, I fear my talent is not what it should be. My second big fear, is that if I make this a career, the passion will disappear and the inspiration will be gone. In June, I jumped out of an airplane with my sisters and was determined to leave my fear in the sky. I think I did just that! I am still trying to "kick doubts ass", as my best friend refers to it. But the other fear, of the passion disappearing, is gone. Over the last three days the work in my shop has been so freeing! I have loved every second of it! I think committing to this dream has only fueled my passion. It has given it a purpose and a freedom to unleash it. On the road, looking for treasure has gone from a time I just dream about "what if", to a journey of challenges and wonderful surprises. I have always loved treasure hunting, garage saleing, rummaging, whatever you want to call it. Before this, I would look at things and say "Wouldn't it be so cool if...". Now, I scoop them up with a purpose and a vision that I know I can make real! Over the last three days I have also realized that I have committed to this. I am scared as hell, but committed. It scares me because now that I have put it out there, I have also put myself out there. Each piece that will go out the door, is a piece of my dream. MY dream, out there on display for judgment, for inspection. Each person that buys a piece, buys part of my hopes. Each person that walks away or turns there nose up at it, also does that to my dream. But it's out there!!! And for me, that is the hardest part. I know not everyone will like what I do, I know there are far better designers out there, but I am no longer limited by my fear. That is HUGE for me!!!! I will not back down from making this dream a reality. I have cuts on my fingers, a splinter in my thigh (have no idea how it got there), paint still on my feet even though I have showered 3 times since it got there, and I love it!!!!! It's all there and reminding me, I am doing this!!!!! Maybe the shop won't be what I hope. Maybe my Etsy page will drive me insane before I get it running. I am still trying to figure out my photos and layouts for my blog. The point is, I know there will be roadblocks. But they WILL NOT STOP ME! I don't know if it was the jump out of that plane that brought this courage to the surface or if it was God working on me over the course of the last two years. Most likely it is both. However it got here, it is finally here and I am grateful! Moving away from my family and my friends, was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. But I know God put me here for a reason. I think this is part of that reason. Regardless of what happens, I committed to my dream and I followed my heart. For the first time in my life, I am doing what I feel in my soul, I was meant to do. I am doing what is best for my heart and my head. I am not doing what makes sense or what is easy. I am doing what I love and I couldn't be happier. I know, while my friends and my family are not physically here, they are cheering me on from a distance. They are praying for me in their quiet times. That is finally enough for me. It is comforting. My husband is HERE. My kids are HERE. They are with me on this journey, cheering me on and believing in me. My husband sat with me while I painted. My kids loved my first piece for the shop. My daughter, Emma, told me "Mommy, you are so good! I think you can make anything!" That alone, makes it worth it. I think, maybe I CAN make anything. Maybe I am good enough. Thank You God for putting me in this place where I had nowhere else to turn but my dreams and fears. Thank You God for making it the only option to face them. Thank You God for this journey.